Table for One
Sometimes I think people think I'm odd. Oh hell, let's be honest; I know they think I'm odd but it's not for the reason(s) you might think.
I am 50 years old and never been married and I haven't had a boyfriend in...what year is this again?
And I'm okay with all of it.
Here's the deal: when I was much younger, of course I thought I'd be married because that's kind of the way girls were programmed in the era in which I grew up. You graduate, maybe go to college, find a man, get married, house, kids, blah blah blah. It was the American Way! When I was really young, I was sure I was going to get married--at first it was to Donny Osmond, then Shaun Cassidy, Andy Gibb and, of course, Rick (it all comes back to Rick, people). Then you grow up, become an adult and get real.
I did always want to get married; I thought life would be incomplete without a husband. In my family, marriage is a very long term deal. My paternal Grandparents were married for over 50 years, my parents have been married 56 years, my sister has been married for nearly 30 years and many of our close friends have or did have long, successful marriages and I thought it was what I always wanted. I went through my twenties, thirties and part of my forties wishing for a man to spend my life with. And (confession time) I even set up a couple online dating profiles. GAG. Really not my thing! I got some humdinger "likes" I tell ya. I even did eHarmony once and OMG the one sole "match" was some dude who said he was an introvert and his profile picture was of him with some dead animal he'd shot on safari.
That is my compatible match??? eHarmony was sh*tcanned after that.
When I've gone out to local bars with friends, they always tell me it's funny to watch me when a guy I find even remotely interesting is in the vicinity. See, I can laugh and joke like crazy with my friends as we're sitting there but enter a guy that I don't really know who I have even a smidge of attraction to and I become mute. Ask my friend Julie; she's seen it and commented on it. It's bizarre.
My friends from our corporate office told me they wanted to do my online dating profile for me and would find me a man. I didn't take them up on it. A year later, one asked me if I really even wanted a mate and I was honest and said, "I'm totally fine being alone."
And I am.
I like that I don't have to answer to anyone or worry about anyone. I can come and go as I please, not share my dessert, not have to see nose hairs in the sink, share my money or my house with anyone else but the dog and do whatever the hell I want when I want. I think people think I'm lonely but alone is vastly different than lonely. Yes I get lonely at times but I think even married people get lonely. I like it just being me (and the dog) and I like my solitude.
You never know; maybe Mr. Right will come along some day and maybe not. I'm fine either way.
I am 50 years old and never been married and I haven't had a boyfriend in...what year is this again?
And I'm okay with all of it.
Here's the deal: when I was much younger, of course I thought I'd be married because that's kind of the way girls were programmed in the era in which I grew up. You graduate, maybe go to college, find a man, get married, house, kids, blah blah blah. It was the American Way! When I was really young, I was sure I was going to get married--at first it was to Donny Osmond, then Shaun Cassidy, Andy Gibb and, of course, Rick (it all comes back to Rick, people). Then you grow up, become an adult and get real.
I did always want to get married; I thought life would be incomplete without a husband. In my family, marriage is a very long term deal. My paternal Grandparents were married for over 50 years, my parents have been married 56 years, my sister has been married for nearly 30 years and many of our close friends have or did have long, successful marriages and I thought it was what I always wanted. I went through my twenties, thirties and part of my forties wishing for a man to spend my life with. And (confession time) I even set up a couple online dating profiles. GAG. Really not my thing! I got some humdinger "likes" I tell ya. I even did eHarmony once and OMG the one sole "match" was some dude who said he was an introvert and his profile picture was of him with some dead animal he'd shot on safari.
That is my compatible match??? eHarmony was sh*tcanned after that.
When I've gone out to local bars with friends, they always tell me it's funny to watch me when a guy I find even remotely interesting is in the vicinity. See, I can laugh and joke like crazy with my friends as we're sitting there but enter a guy that I don't really know who I have even a smidge of attraction to and I become mute. Ask my friend Julie; she's seen it and commented on it. It's bizarre.
My friends from our corporate office told me they wanted to do my online dating profile for me and would find me a man. I didn't take them up on it. A year later, one asked me if I really even wanted a mate and I was honest and said, "I'm totally fine being alone."
And I am.
I like that I don't have to answer to anyone or worry about anyone. I can come and go as I please, not share my dessert, not have to see nose hairs in the sink, share my money or my house with anyone else but the dog and do whatever the hell I want when I want. I think people think I'm lonely but alone is vastly different than lonely. Yes I get lonely at times but I think even married people get lonely. I like it just being me (and the dog) and I like my solitude.
You never know; maybe Mr. Right will come along some day and maybe not. I'm fine either way.
When our souls need resurrection
And we fly the wrong direction
You will find us climbing
A mountain of gratitude
Through the crashing sounds of silence
On our knees we search for guidance
Looking for a quiet interlude
In this crowded solitude
"Crowded Solitude"
from the album "Rocket Science"
Rick Springfield
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