Face the Fear
Since I was a young girl, I've been singing. I was always in choir all the way through school and even sang a duet at our church Christmas program once. See, I was tucked up in the choir loft so no one could see me which is what I prefer as
I have massive stage fright.
I was totally fine being up in front of a class until about 9th grade when my stage fright totally kicked in. I think it was due to the fact that I'd gained a bunch of weight back (I'd lost a bunch between 6th and 7th grades)and was ashamed of how I looked and I didn't want people focusing on me. Giving any type of report in class nearly had me puking all day. I couldn't eat and I would shake; it was horrible.
In junior year, in concert choir, I was seated next to a sophomore with the most amazing voice that it would make you want to weep tears of joy. She has the purest voice and it's just---it blew me away. The choir director sat us next to each other on purpose. She knew I could sing and was hoping, I believe, that sitting next to the voice of the angels would bring me out of my singing shell. She was right. Melissa and I carried that soprano section all year long. Melissa made me a better singer but I still refused to try out for solos because I didn't want anyone's attention focused on me. Even standing on the risers with the whole choir almost had me ralphing. The choir director wanted me to try out for the more "uppity" Chamber Choir for senior year but I didn't want to. First, I didn't like the songs they sang as they weren't as fun. Second, I didn't think I was good enough. Melissa, however, left for Chamber after her sophomore year which was a bummer but I made it through my senior year without her by my side in the soprano section. I did, however, sing my ass off that whole year. The choir director signed in my year book, "I wish you would have tried out for solos". If wishes were fishes, teach...
Also in junior year, I had drama class. In this class, they always put on a production every year and you went to sectionals, etc with hopes of going to the state competition. The play was called "HELP" (can you believe I remember this all these years later?) and it's about a woman who is trapped on the roof of the building and needs, take a guess, HELP. A crowd gathers below and they're a motley group of people who have their commentary. One character was this bawdy woman who pulls up with her lawn chair, takes out her snacks and proceeds to heckle the woman on the roof. I wanted that part so damn bad so I auditioned for it. And I nailed that effer. I'm not even joking. I had that thing in the bag. The girl who was "the favorite" blew her audition and I'm not even kidding.
So, parts are announced by the teacher a few days later and I'm sure I got the part I wanted. Nope. He gave it to "the favorite". I was devastated but it gets worse. He doesn't call my name for any part then says, "Is there anyone's name I didn't call?" And a couple mention my name and he says, "Oh; I forgot Sara. You're the woman on the roof."
Are you effing kidding me? I'm not even on the damn stage???
I remember being near tears as I left the classroom and running into a friend in the hall. She was all excited when she asked if I got the part and I cried, "I'm not even on the stupid stage!" I was devastated. I hated that teacher from then on. Not even joking. Can you blame me? My self-esteem already sucked but being forgotten by a teacher in drama class? Thanks, douchebag.
Often times, being a board member for the company's Foundation, I'm tasked with going to speak at offices near mine. I do usually know several people from the offices so you'd think I'd be totally fine getting up and speaking in front of them. NOPE! I can't eat before I speak, my hands shake and I can tell my voice shakes as well. I speak really fast and just pray to God I don't pass out before I'm done.
Last year at the Foundation golf outing, the company President was recognizing those who helped put the day together. He recognized the 2 main people and next thing you know, he calls my name. Sweet Lord no! I seriously covered my face with my hands and tried to hide but they wouldn't let me. I had to go up in front of hundreds of people. I hated it. I kept trying to get away by saying,"I've got things to do!" I don't want recognition; I was just doing what I was supposed to do!
I know my stage fright stems from low self esteem due to my weight and it sucks. I always feel like people are making jokes about my looks when I'm up talking in front of them. I wish I had more self-confidence. Anyone know if Amazon sells it?
I have massive stage fright.
I was totally fine being up in front of a class until about 9th grade when my stage fright totally kicked in. I think it was due to the fact that I'd gained a bunch of weight back (I'd lost a bunch between 6th and 7th grades)and was ashamed of how I looked and I didn't want people focusing on me. Giving any type of report in class nearly had me puking all day. I couldn't eat and I would shake; it was horrible.
In junior year, in concert choir, I was seated next to a sophomore with the most amazing voice that it would make you want to weep tears of joy. She has the purest voice and it's just---it blew me away. The choir director sat us next to each other on purpose. She knew I could sing and was hoping, I believe, that sitting next to the voice of the angels would bring me out of my singing shell. She was right. Melissa and I carried that soprano section all year long. Melissa made me a better singer but I still refused to try out for solos because I didn't want anyone's attention focused on me. Even standing on the risers with the whole choir almost had me ralphing. The choir director wanted me to try out for the more "uppity" Chamber Choir for senior year but I didn't want to. First, I didn't like the songs they sang as they weren't as fun. Second, I didn't think I was good enough. Melissa, however, left for Chamber after her sophomore year which was a bummer but I made it through my senior year without her by my side in the soprano section. I did, however, sing my ass off that whole year. The choir director signed in my year book, "I wish you would have tried out for solos". If wishes were fishes, teach...
Also in junior year, I had drama class. In this class, they always put on a production every year and you went to sectionals, etc with hopes of going to the state competition. The play was called "HELP" (can you believe I remember this all these years later?) and it's about a woman who is trapped on the roof of the building and needs, take a guess, HELP. A crowd gathers below and they're a motley group of people who have their commentary. One character was this bawdy woman who pulls up with her lawn chair, takes out her snacks and proceeds to heckle the woman on the roof. I wanted that part so damn bad so I auditioned for it. And I nailed that effer. I'm not even joking. I had that thing in the bag. The girl who was "the favorite" blew her audition and I'm not even kidding.
So, parts are announced by the teacher a few days later and I'm sure I got the part I wanted. Nope. He gave it to "the favorite". I was devastated but it gets worse. He doesn't call my name for any part then says, "Is there anyone's name I didn't call?" And a couple mention my name and he says, "Oh; I forgot Sara. You're the woman on the roof."
Are you effing kidding me? I'm not even on the damn stage???
I remember being near tears as I left the classroom and running into a friend in the hall. She was all excited when she asked if I got the part and I cried, "I'm not even on the stupid stage!" I was devastated. I hated that teacher from then on. Not even joking. Can you blame me? My self-esteem already sucked but being forgotten by a teacher in drama class? Thanks, douchebag.
Often times, being a board member for the company's Foundation, I'm tasked with going to speak at offices near mine. I do usually know several people from the offices so you'd think I'd be totally fine getting up and speaking in front of them. NOPE! I can't eat before I speak, my hands shake and I can tell my voice shakes as well. I speak really fast and just pray to God I don't pass out before I'm done.
Last year at the Foundation golf outing, the company President was recognizing those who helped put the day together. He recognized the 2 main people and next thing you know, he calls my name. Sweet Lord no! I seriously covered my face with my hands and tried to hide but they wouldn't let me. I had to go up in front of hundreds of people. I hated it. I kept trying to get away by saying,"I've got things to do!" I don't want recognition; I was just doing what I was supposed to do!
I know my stage fright stems from low self esteem due to my weight and it sucks. I always feel like people are making jokes about my looks when I'm up talking in front of them. I wish I had more self-confidence. Anyone know if Amazon sells it?
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