What's In A Name?

You know what I think would be one of the coolest jobs on the planet?
No; not astronaut.
No; not President.
I wanna be the person who thinks up names for candles and paint!
Oh come on; you know it would be so much fun!
Seriously; don't you ever wonder how they come up with the names for these things?
Let's start with paint, shall we?
Google Sherwin Williams paint names and here's a sampling of what you'll find:
Repose Gray, Agreeable Gray, Accessible Beige, Iron Ore, Passive, Lazy Gray
Okay, someone at Sherwin Williams is lacking in the creativity department BIG TIME.
Repose Gray? When I think of repose I think of a dead body. Why not just name it Dead Body Gray and call it a day? And do you really want to paint your walls with a color called Passive? I get that we like our surroundings to be serene but Passive? Or Lazy Gray?
Step up your game, SW.
Now Hirshfields has it goin' on! Get a load of these:
Joyous Song, Blossoms in Spring, Nomadic Travels, Let It Rain, Simply Sparkling
To Hirshfields I say

Now, I like candles in the Fall and Winter and my very favorite is Bath & Body Works Hot Cocoa & Cream because it really does smell like hot cocoa and cream and I like when my house smells like baked goodsy type things since I don't bake but enjoy the aroma of freshly baked somethin' somethins. You will not find any florally, woody scented candles in the plethora of candles in my linen closet; they're all food scented. When I smell any candles that are remotely floral in nature, I gag and the names are all wrong. A lilac scented candle should be appropriately named Bathroom Spray From Grandma's circa 1982. You know you know what I'm talking about. Why do Grandmas always use that damn lilac bathroom spray? The overly perfumey type candles should be named Cheap French Whore. Don't even try lying to me because you know exactly what I'm talking about. And anything patchouli scented should be named Doobie or Mary Jane or Bongtastic. You know and I know that you know that patchouli is weed-scented crap. Call it patchouli scent all you want but it's WEED.
Looking up Yankee Candle candle names. Most are pretty self-explanatory but here are a few:
April Showers: you know what "April Showers" smell like in my neck of the woods? Worms.
Autumn Leaves: Hard pass. Autumn leaves smell like rot here in Wisco.
Midsummer's Night: Here's the description:

This candle sits on the more masculine end of Yankee Candle’s scent spectrum, but we think that’s all the more reason to order it! This candle has a near-sensual blend of patchouli, must, sage, and mahogany. Light it in the man cave, office, or really anywhere. Yes, it’s THAT good. This isn’t a scent that other brands can duplicate, it’s definitely a one-of-a-kind smell that you need to add to your collection.

WTF is "must"? Did they mean "musk"? If so, another hard pass. Musk, to me, is BO and ain't nobody need that stinkin' up the joint!

And Bath & Body Works is really the most creative, if not ridiculous, when naming their scents:

Flannel, Frozen Lake,Winter White Woods, The Perfect Autumn, Welcome Home, Leaves, Harvest Gathering.

I wonder if any of these candle namers live in Minnesota or Wisconsin. I can't recall a frozen lake having a scent. And does cold have a scent because Winter White Woods are damn cold in my neck of the country. And again with the "scent" of leaves! Stop it, candle namers! Leaves don't smell good! And why does Harvest Gathering bring to mind a bunch of witches around a bubbling cauldron of green gunk that probably smells like rotten eggs and rotting flesh?