Weight of the World
Do you ever take personal responsibility or the blame for something that really isn't your fault? I do it all the time and I hate that I do it. Here's the story of a couple instances that are intertwined.
I've been a board member of our company's charitable Foundation for nearly 7 years and I'm the only board member from the east Metro area of the company and part of my responsibility is to try and get offices to give a crap about the Foundation and charity work in general.
I've failed miserably with 2 of the offices.
Correction: I feel like I've failed miserably with 2 of them.
Pillow Fight 2018: I emailed the one office who has always sucked at Pillow Fight and gave them an "incentive" (also know as a bribe) to push them to do better at the Pillow Fight. I told them that if they collected 1000 pillows, I'd buy them all lunch. Shockingly, they went over 1000 pillows so I forked over a good chunk of change and bought them lunch. Pillow Fight 2019: their sales manager emails me after the announcement of this year's Pillow Fight and says, "What's our incentive this year?"
People, I stared at that email with my mouth open and my heart crushed. For nearly 7 years I have tried and tried to get that office to give a crap about something other than themselves and I've obviously failed. How can someone look at a charity event/fundraiser and ask themselves "What's in it for me?" which is what his email was. My response to him was: "Your incentive is doing something to help those less fortunate." He backtracked a bit with, "Oh I know but I was wondering how to get people here revved up for it." Really? Maybe YOU should spend hundreds of your dollars and buy those arrogant jerks lunch as an incentive. I told him with the money I spent on their lunch, I could've bought hundreds of pillows so it was his turn to step up.
They collected half the pillows this year that they collected in 2018 which told me all I needed to know.
This summer, before our charity golf outing, some board members took on the task of speaking at offices to rev people up for the golf where we have a silent auction and we also sell raffle tickets. I spoke at 2 offices and the first one I spoke at--oy. I'm sitting at the conference room table and in walks a veteran agent I've known for years. She looks at me and snidely says, "I suppose you're here to get money out of us again."
Oooo-kay. This is off to a great start!
The second office I'm up at the podium speaking and I look out into the audience and the people at the conference room tables by the podium are listening intently and paying attention. I looked out in the outer lounge area and nearly everyone was looking at their phone. Why did I bother? Why didn't I have the guts to say, "It's obvious some of you don't give a crap about the Foundation so I'm outta here." When someone takes the time out of their day to speak to your group, pay effing attention!
A couple days before the golf, I went over to our corporate office to help with stuff and two of us were counting raffle ticket money and when I saw how little sales the two offices I'd spoken at had done, I said, "Gee; guess my presentations didn't do one damn bit of good."
I was defeated and I realized, I'd been defeated since the announcement of the Pillow Fight.
Two days after the golf outing, I turned in my resignation to the Foundation board.
Two weeks ago was my final board meeting and when my resignation was announced, I told the other board members that I've started to feel like I'm not making a damn bit of difference with the agents and that when that one guy asked me what their incentive was this year, that was it. Pillow Fight wasn't even fun for me this year and when that happens, you know it's bad. I'm not ashamed to say I started to cry as I told them that those two offices broke me this year as I relayed the stories to them. I've tried and tried to get them to care and they just don't and I can't do it anymore. I feel like I haven't made a difference this year and that doing anything Foundation related felt more like a job than something I've loved all these years and that means it's time to go. I told them I hate disappointing them but I just need to step away for a while.
I know that it's not my fault that those two offices don't give two craps about the Foundation but when I take something on, I give it my all so them not caring just makes me feel like I've failed even though I know I really haven't. I know I did my best and I know I'm harder on myself for it than anyone else could ever be on me which is how I've always been and I think most of us are. This year, anything Foundation-related just felt like the weight of the world on my back and gave me little to no enjoyment.
Maybe in a year or two, I'll be ready to delve back into the board if they have room and maybe I won't ever be ready and that's okay. I can still support the Foundation as I believe in it.
And you can bet your sweet bippy that as long as I'm still at CBB, the Pillow Fight will always be MINE!
I've been a board member of our company's charitable Foundation for nearly 7 years and I'm the only board member from the east Metro area of the company and part of my responsibility is to try and get offices to give a crap about the Foundation and charity work in general.
I've failed miserably with 2 of the offices.
Correction: I feel like I've failed miserably with 2 of them.
Pillow Fight 2018: I emailed the one office who has always sucked at Pillow Fight and gave them an "incentive" (also know as a bribe) to push them to do better at the Pillow Fight. I told them that if they collected 1000 pillows, I'd buy them all lunch. Shockingly, they went over 1000 pillows so I forked over a good chunk of change and bought them lunch. Pillow Fight 2019: their sales manager emails me after the announcement of this year's Pillow Fight and says, "What's our incentive this year?"
People, I stared at that email with my mouth open and my heart crushed. For nearly 7 years I have tried and tried to get that office to give a crap about something other than themselves and I've obviously failed. How can someone look at a charity event/fundraiser and ask themselves "What's in it for me?" which is what his email was. My response to him was: "Your incentive is doing something to help those less fortunate." He backtracked a bit with, "Oh I know but I was wondering how to get people here revved up for it." Really? Maybe YOU should spend hundreds of your dollars and buy those arrogant jerks lunch as an incentive. I told him with the money I spent on their lunch, I could've bought hundreds of pillows so it was his turn to step up.
They collected half the pillows this year that they collected in 2018 which told me all I needed to know.
This summer, before our charity golf outing, some board members took on the task of speaking at offices to rev people up for the golf where we have a silent auction and we also sell raffle tickets. I spoke at 2 offices and the first one I spoke at--oy. I'm sitting at the conference room table and in walks a veteran agent I've known for years. She looks at me and snidely says, "I suppose you're here to get money out of us again."
Oooo-kay. This is off to a great start!
The second office I'm up at the podium speaking and I look out into the audience and the people at the conference room tables by the podium are listening intently and paying attention. I looked out in the outer lounge area and nearly everyone was looking at their phone. Why did I bother? Why didn't I have the guts to say, "It's obvious some of you don't give a crap about the Foundation so I'm outta here." When someone takes the time out of their day to speak to your group, pay effing attention!
A couple days before the golf, I went over to our corporate office to help with stuff and two of us were counting raffle ticket money and when I saw how little sales the two offices I'd spoken at had done, I said, "Gee; guess my presentations didn't do one damn bit of good."
I was defeated and I realized, I'd been defeated since the announcement of the Pillow Fight.
Two days after the golf outing, I turned in my resignation to the Foundation board.
Two weeks ago was my final board meeting and when my resignation was announced, I told the other board members that I've started to feel like I'm not making a damn bit of difference with the agents and that when that one guy asked me what their incentive was this year, that was it. Pillow Fight wasn't even fun for me this year and when that happens, you know it's bad. I'm not ashamed to say I started to cry as I told them that those two offices broke me this year as I relayed the stories to them. I've tried and tried to get them to care and they just don't and I can't do it anymore. I feel like I haven't made a difference this year and that doing anything Foundation related felt more like a job than something I've loved all these years and that means it's time to go. I told them I hate disappointing them but I just need to step away for a while.
I know that it's not my fault that those two offices don't give two craps about the Foundation but when I take something on, I give it my all so them not caring just makes me feel like I've failed even though I know I really haven't. I know I did my best and I know I'm harder on myself for it than anyone else could ever be on me which is how I've always been and I think most of us are. This year, anything Foundation-related just felt like the weight of the world on my back and gave me little to no enjoyment.
Maybe in a year or two, I'll be ready to delve back into the board if they have room and maybe I won't ever be ready and that's okay. I can still support the Foundation as I believe in it.
And you can bet your sweet bippy that as long as I'm still at CBB, the Pillow Fight will always be MINE!
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